Some of you have probably noticed my weekly absence from MeLove Letters over the past year and wondered what was happening. Before I speak to that, I’d like to apologize for the silence. It wasn’t intended, but as I look back on it now, it was necessary. I missed you and my MeLOVE voice but had to surrender to all the change that was occurring in my life and trust where the river was taking me.
So what did that look like? I guess the short versions of the much longer stories are: I was overextended and overtired as I had taken a job working 20+ hours a week (in two days) in a holistic medical practice. Additionally, I was creating wellness programs and writing a weekly wellness newsletter on top of managing the office. And, just in case that wasn’t enough, I was in the deepest throws of learning to love myself at levels way beyond my expectations. So, something had to give (at least temporarily), and that was MeLove Letters and my own writing.
Now, as I look back on it through the lens of all I learned in 2014, and what’s in the queue as a result for 2015 (and beyond), it was a good decision. Initially, it was challenging as I felt guilty as well as confused as to why I had put myself in a position to “pause my passion” as it were. It didn’t feel right but it didn’t feel wrong either, so I endlessly practiced “don’t know mind” and the art of letting go. Bottom line, I sensed something bigger at hand, and knew I had to let it come in.
I have talked often about the journey to self-love. Once begun, there’s no turning back which is reassuring, but it is also important to understand that self-love is relentless in its pursuit of your SELF which is LOVE.
What this means is that true self-love is 100% not 97, 98 or 99%! It is your “realest of real” authentic self up-front, out loud and in person. It is the deepest awareness, acceptance and acknowledgment that you are as human as you are divine and that there is no part of you that doesn’t deserve to be loved, that there is no part of you which isn’t love! It is what we’ve all come here to remember.
But, just understanding this doesn’t count…living it does. In other words, self-love is a process of realization followed by actualization. 2014 was my year for addressing every cobweb (large and small) that was keeping me from actualizing. Working for someone else turned out to be the perfect foil to sharpen my senses about where I was still letting myself down and ignoring my own needs, in other words where I was short on self-love.
Initially I fell into that old pit of co-dependent pleasing patterns…you know, being there for everyone else instead of taking care of yourself. But as I mentioned earlier, self-love is relentless and once ignited, you can’t really turn it off…nor do you want to. Why? Because it feels good! It brings you into alignment (aka harmony, balance, wholeness) at every level of your “being”, and when you’re out of alignment you quickly know it, and you want it back.
And align I did. 2014 wasn’t always easy but it was a watershed year for me, and I treasure every dark nook and cranny I explored and ultimately embraced. Over and over I was humbled by what I didn’t know as well as what I did, and I marveled at the prodigious opportunities available if we allow them. I was constantly in awe as I learned to dance with the joy of being “Me” and watched myself come alive in ways beyond my imagination.
This inevitable chain of change has been like a line of dominoes, and as I enter 2015 I have given notice at the job, am preparing to move to Oregon on April 1, am clearer than ever on my path and my purpose, am birthing my wholing practice (aka healing redefined – more to come), have started a free weekly inspiration called “Heartspeak” which launches today (hopefully it’s in your inbox – if not see sign up box to your right), am back to writing for MeLove Letters at least twice a month for now, and am happier and more at peace than I have ever been.
Do I have all the answers? No. Is there more for me to love of myself? Probably. Am I ready for whatever comes next? Absolutely. Am I in my power? Finally. Is self-love the answer? YES!
Happy Happy 2015. I’ve truly missed you all and I am blessed to be back!
Would love to hear about your 2014 and look forward to your own stories, and of course if you liked this post, please share the LOVE on Facebook and Twitter too. Thanks!
XXOO – Don’t forget to LOVE yourself today.