Picking Wild Blueberries (Oregon Tales)
Chapter 3 – The Washing Machine
As I sit down to write this morning I am delightfully aware that this Friday marks my twelfth week anniversary here in Hood River. It seems impossible that in such a short passage of time so much has happened and changed, and yet, it also feels like forever and I have always lived here. How could that be, I wonder, but then I am awestruck by the following revelation… When we really go for what we truly want, simultaneously letting go of ALL the reasons we believe we can’t have what we want, and at the same time consciously opening to receive it, it shows up even better than we imagined.
I know that was a mouthful let alone a mindful…so here it is again slowly…and then I’ll do my best to explain. When we really go for what we truly want, simultaneously letting go of ALL the reasons we believe we can’t have what we want, and at the same time consciously opening to receive it, it shows up even better than we imagined. Wow!
And yes, it can happen to you too! I’ve been unraveling this conundrum of how to manifest dreams for what seems like forever and it’s a joy to share what I’ve learned. It’s fairly straight forward, only 3 basic steps, but you’ll see it’s “all in the attitude” that makes it come together…kind of like the secret sauce!
Step 1: Really GO for what YOU truly want
Sounds easy enough doesn’t it (and somewhat rhetorical)? After all, why would you go after anything if you didn’t really want it? But the truth is depending on your history and who you are; it may be the most complicated part of any decision one ever makes.
This step is profound as it involves three critical elements all of which need secret sauce. It requires actually asking/demanding change in your life and the willingness to do whatever it takes to have it. This is radical enough for most of us to do a 180 or freeze in our tracks as it involves the triumvirate of dread: change (sounds good but do I have to give anything up…), asking (for anything for ourselves…), and feeling worthy (aka good enough/deserving…) to ask, let alone receive.
Deep breath…you’re not alone. Now we’re in territory that makes most of us uncomfortable! We all think we want what we want so bad it hurts, but do we really want what it would take to get it, let alone ASK for it? And, if that weren’t bad enough, do we really think we deserve it so we can get out of the way to receive it? Ya see how tricky all this is?
Well I’d been playing this game most of my life and frankly I’d gotten really over it. You know, talk to the hand kind of OVER it! I was tired of asking, tired of working my ass off to be good enough, tired of surrendering until I was in continuous free fall, tired of trying to “feel” worthy, tired of standing at the proverbial door waiting for my dreams to show up, tired of trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, tired…just plain tired.
But eventually I became clear that being tired just got me more tired and in fact I was in my own way, so one day I woke up and stopped resisting i.e. the situation, the circumstances, myself etc. Instead, I got really present and accepting of where I was in the moment (good, bad or indifferent) and started asking questions instead. Questions that didn’t have nor require answers; questions intended to create space for the universe to meet me and me to meet the universe. I’d ask them and let them go…
Questions such as: What would it take for me to stop being tired? What can I become if I just allow myself to let go, trust and be it? What’s it going to take for my life to show up differently and what can I change, choose, contribute and receive that will help it to show up? What’s right about this that I’m not getting? What’s possible here that I’m not seeing? How does it get any better than this?
And that’s when things began to radically shift. Oh, I had made progress up until then, things had changed for the better, life wasn’t static anymore, and I was happier than I ever had been, but I was still slogging along. I knew I only had my big toe in the truth of what is available and I wanted to swim in it. I was determined to create a life out of love instead of fear/pain but how?
Certainly, the more I loved myself the more things opened up, but not without this constant recycling through old stuck energy that I just couldn’t seem to get free of. Of course that kept my victim in play, often feeling the Universe was teasing me, dangling the bait of ask and you shall receive and then yanking it out further as soon as I got close. Sound familiar?
We’ve all been in this vulnerable position and it wrecks havoc with our already fragile sense of personal value, which causes us to unconsciously build walls to protect ourselves from even more disappointment. In other words, the prison we are trying to get out of is the prison we are fortifying. Damn…that sucks doesn’t it?
Or does it? Not really when you look at it, because ultimately I really “got” that I was my own jailor, which meant I held the get out of jail card. Yup, “How does it get any better than that?” And with that, my attitude (remember, it’s all in the attitude) did a 360; I started singing “We are the Champions” shower style, and with that secret sauce energy coursing through my engine, I started to destroy and un-create my monster prison.
So let me be perfectly clear about his step…at times you will hate it! Why? Because it can turn you inside out and upside down; you’re breaking out of prison after all, so some turbulence (aka resistance/old stuck energy) really shouldn’t be so surprising. Frankly, for me the final stage of this step felt like being in a gorilla washing machine and that’s exactly where I was for my first eight weeks in Oregon.
My prison break has put me through the wash before, but this was like no other: Think commercial commando size washer, take no prisoners, door locked until it wasn’t, dial set to hot water/high soil/extra, extra spin!!! Saving grace? I knew I’d chosen it so I knew I wouldn’t drown. I also knew that when it was done, it would be done…forever. For real.
But, that doesn’t mean it was easy, it just means I had finally made a choice so self-loving, so clear, so BIG on my own behalf that I was willing to do whatever it took to divest myself of everything (everything!) that would keep me from being ME and living the life I had always wanted. And that was key, I finally chose what I knew I wanted instead of what I thought I wanted, a choice that would make me happy as averse to what would make others happy, a controversial choice. I chose me! Now that’s a decision with attitude!
So every day for my first eight weeks in Oregon, I tumbled and swished in the gorilla machine as it went about its cleansing work. If things could go wrong they did and often I felt like I had stumbled into the dimension of Murphy’s Law. Certain things really called me out, stretching me to the edge and beyond, but the funny thing was that magic was occurring at the same time, and I knew if I kept focusing on it (instead of the chaos), more would appear. And it has.
The heavy-duty wash cycle was a direct answer to my choice to create a whole new life for myself no matter what it takes. Go big or go home, right? It was a mega purge of whatever was left of my old negative operating system so I wouldn’t create more of the same old, same old, but instead give me a blank canvas and colors that are my very own to paint with.
Interestingly, not long before I found myself in the agitator, the Universe (through Abraham) had given me these crayons: “Be easy about it. Don’t rush into things. Savor them more. Make more plans and be deliberate about the plans you are making. And in all that you do, let your dominant intent be to find that which pleasures you as you imagine it. Let your desire for pleasure – your desire for feeling good – be your only guiding light. As you seek those thoughts that feel good, you will always be in vibrational harmony with the energy that is your Source. And under those conditions, only good can come to you and only good can come from you.”
At times, they seemed laughable, easier said than done, but they resonated so deeply within I applied them as I tumbled. And as I did, they kept me open to receiving the magic that was occurring as the last of prison walls were swept away. I have always known magic is possible but since childhood believed it wasn’t for me so unconsciously shut my door on it. For a few years I have been working to open it with varying degrees of success, but it wasn’t until the prison finally crumbled that I felt free and safe to receive.
Also, like the rest of us, I had been taught it’s better to give than to receive, which by the way is B.S. because you can’t give when you’re empty and you only get filled up by receiving! Anyway, it was a lie that many of us once bought and I had become a champion giver and a fumbling receiver.
Oh my, the things we learn and do in innocence. I’d always thought there was no greater feeling than giving but as I’ve learned to receive I understand how unsatisfied/unfulfilled I was without the balance of both. Constantly giving on empty eventually creates resentment and separation. Receiving revives us and allows our resources to flow. Receiving is like giving water to a flower, we really can’t sustain our lives (the way they are meant to be) without it. And that’s the magic we all deserve!
XXOO from my magic heart to yours!
So here are the cliff notes with some helpful hints…
Step 1: Go for what YOU really want (this is where the magic begins)
· Love yourself enough to demand change! In other words, “The buck stops here! From now on this SH** is changing and something else is showing up!”
· Be clear about what you want but know it will most likely look different than what you thought.
· This is an inside job! It is about YOU. The secret sauce is YOU.
· You joy your way to joy! EnJOY it!
· Ask questions and forget about the answers…trust that what you most need to know will show up and it will.
Step 2: Tear down the walls (this frees the magic to show up)
· Download “We Are The Champions” and sing along shamelessly
· Accept the chaos – let it pass through you – keep things moving
· Get outside everyday. Pull the earth’s energy up through your feet and out the top of your head. Hug and talk to trees.
· Awakening can be messy and uncomfortable. Be patient with yourself.
· Remember the secret sauce is YOU. When the walls come down, you will find YOU!
Step 3: Open wide and let the magic in (this is what life is meant to be like)
· Remember that it is only by receiving that we can truly give.
· Stay out of your head and listen to your heart…you’ll be able to hear it now.
· Trust whatever is showing up.
· Seize the moment, revel in it, savor it…go slow.
· YOU are the flower in your own garden. YOU are the magic.