The Washing Machine

by Mimi on July 27, 2015





Picking Wild Blueberries (Oregon Tales)

Chapter 3 – The Washing Machine

As I sit down to write this morning I am delightfully aware that this Friday marks my twelfth week anniversary here in Hood River. It seems impossible that in such a short passage of time so much has happened and changed, and yet, it also feels like forever and I have always lived here. How could that be, I wonder, but then I am awestruck by the following revelation… When we really go for what we truly want, simultaneously letting go of ALL the reasons we believe we can’t have what we want, and at the same time consciously opening to receive it, it shows up even better than we imagined.

I know that was a mouthful let alone a mindful…so here it is again slowly…and then I’ll do my best to explain. When we really go for what we truly want, simultaneously letting go of ALL the reasons we believe we can’t have what we want, and at the same time consciously opening to receive it, it shows up even better than we imagined. Wow!

And yes, it can happen to you too! I’ve been unraveling this conundrum of how to manifest dreams for what seems like forever and it’s a joy to share what I’ve learned. It’s fairly straight forward, only 3 basic steps, but you’ll see it’s “all in the attitude” that makes it come together…kind of like the secret sauce!

GO For ItStep 1: Really GO for what YOU truly want
Sounds easy enough doesn’t it (and somewhat rhetorical)? After all, why would you go after anything if you didn’t really want it? But the truth is depending on your history and who you are; it may be the most complicated part of any decision one ever makes.

This step is profound as it involves three critical elements all of which need secret sauce.  It requires actually asking/demanding change in your life and the willingness to do whatever it takes to have it. This is radical enough for most of us to do a 180 or freeze in our tracks as it involves the triumvirate of dread: change (sounds good but do I have to give anything up…), asking (for anything for ourselves…), and feeling worthy (aka good enough/deserving…) to ask, let alone receive.

Deep breath…you’re not alone. Now we’re in territory that makes most of us uncomfortable! We all think we want what we want so bad it hurts, but do we really want what it would take to get it, let alone ASK for it? And, if that weren’t bad enough, do we really think we deserve it so we can get out of the way to receive it? Ya see how tricky all this is?

Well I’d been playing this game most of my life and frankly I’d gotten really over it. You know, talk to the hand kind of OVER it! I was tired of asking, tired of working my ass off to be good enough, tired of surrendering until I was in continuous free fall, tired of trying to “feel” worthy, tired of standing at the proverbial door waiting for my dreams to show up, tired of trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, tired…just plain tired.

But eventually I became clear that being tired just got me more tired and in fact I was in my own way,  so one day I woke up and stopped resisting i.e. the situation, the circumstances, myself etc. Instead, I got really present and accepting of where I was in the moment (good, bad or indifferent) and started asking questions instead. Questions that didn’t have nor require answers; questions intended to create space for the universe to meet me and me to meet the universe. I’d ask them and let them go…

Questions such as: What would it take for me to stop being tired? What can I become if I just allow myself to let go, trust and be it? What’s it going to take for my life to show up differently and what can I change, choose, contribute and receive that will help it to show up? What’s right about this that I’m not getting? What’s possible here that I’m not seeing? How does it get any better than this?

And that’s when things began to radically shift. Oh, I had made progress up until then, things had changed for the better, life wasn’t static anymore, and I was happier than I ever had been, but I was still slogging along. I knew I only had my big toe in the truth of what is available and I wanted to swim in it. I was determined to create a life out of love instead of fear/pain but how?

Certainly, the more I loved myself the more things opened up, but not without this constant recycling through old stuck energy that I just couldn’t seem to get free of.  Of course that kept my victim in play, often feeling the Universe was teasing me, dangling the bait of ask and you shall receive and then yanking it out further as soon as I got close. Sound familiar?

We’ve all been in this vulnerable position and it wrecks havoc with our already fragile sense of personal value, which causes us to unconsciously build walls to protect ourselves from even more disappointment. In other words, the prison we are trying to get out of is the prison we are fortifying. Damn…that sucks doesn’t it?

Or does it? Not really when you look at it, because ultimately I really “got” that I was my own jailor, which meant I held the get out of jail card. Yup, “How does it get any better than that?” And with that, my attitude (remember, it’s all in the attitude) did a 360; I started singing “We are the Champions” shower style, and with that secret sauce energy coursing through my engine, I started to destroy and un-create my monster prison.

Brick-Walls-2Step 2: Tear down the walls

So let me be perfectly clear about his step…at times you will hate it! Why? Because it can turn you inside out and upside down; you’re breaking out of prison after all, so some turbulence (aka resistance/old stuck energy) really shouldn’t be so surprising. Frankly, for me the final stage of this step felt like being in a gorilla washing machine and that’s exactly where I was for my first eight weeks in Oregon.

My prison break has put me through the wash before, but this was like no other: Think commercial commando size washer, take no prisoners, door locked until it wasn’t, dial set to hot water/high soil/extra, extra spin!!! Saving grace? I knew I’d chosen it so I knew I wouldn’t drown. I also knew that when it was done, it would be done…forever. For real.

But, that doesn’t mean it was easy, it just means I had finally made a choice so self-loving, so clear, so BIG on my own behalf that I was willing to do whatever it took to divest myself of everything (everything!) that would keep me from being ME and living the life I had always wanted. And that was key, I finally chose what I knew I wanted instead of what I thought I wanted, a choice that would make me happy as averse to what would make others happy, a controversial choice. I chose me! Now that’s a decision with attitude!

So every day for my first eight weeks in Oregon, I tumbled and swished in the gorilla machine as it went about its cleansing work. If things could go wrong they did and often I felt like I had stumbled into the dimension of Murphy’s Law. Certain things really called me out, stretching me to the edge and beyond, but the funny thing was that magic was occurring at the same time, and I knew if I kept focusing on it (instead of the chaos), more would appear. And it has.

The heavy-duty wash cycle was a direct answer to my choice to create a whole new life for myself no matter what it takes. Go big or go home, right? It was a mega purge of whatever was left of my old negative operating system so I wouldn’t create more of the same old, same old, but instead give me a blank canvas and colors that are my very own to paint with.

Magic DoorStep 3: OPEN WIDE enough to receive all the magic

Interestingly, not long before I found myself in the agitator, the Universe (through Abraham) had given me these crayons: “Be easy about it. Don’t rush into things. Savor them more. Make more plans and be deliberate about the plans you are making. And in all that you do, let your dominant intent be to find that which pleasures you as you imagine it. Let your desire for pleasure – your desire for feeling good – be your only guiding light. As you seek those thoughts that feel good, you will always be in vibrational harmony with the energy that is your Source. And under those conditions, only good can come to you and only good can come from you.”

At times, they seemed laughable, easier said than done, but they resonated so deeply within I applied them as I tumbled. And as I did, they kept me open to receiving the magic that was occurring as the last of prison walls were swept away.  I have always known magic is possible but since childhood believed it wasn’t for me so unconsciously shut my door on it. For a few years I have been working to open it with varying degrees of success, but it wasn’t until the prison finally crumbled that I felt free and safe to receive.

Also, like the rest of us, I had been taught it’s better to give than to receive, which by the way is B.S. because you can’t give when you’re empty and you only get filled up by receiving! Anyway, it was a lie that many of us once bought and I had become a champion giver and a fumbling receiver.

Oh my, the things we learn and do in innocence. I’d always thought there was no greater feeling than giving but as I’ve learned to receive I understand how unsatisfied/unfulfilled I was without the balance of both. Constantly giving on empty eventually creates resentment and separation. Receiving revives us and allows our resources to flow. Receiving is like giving water to a flower, we really can’t sustain our lives (the way they are meant to be) without it. And that’s the magic we all deserve!

XXOO from my magic heart to yours!

So here are the cliff notes with some helpful hints…

Step 1: Go for what YOU really want (this is where the magic begins)

·      Love yourself enough to demand change! In other words, “The buck stops here! From now on this SH**  is changing and something else is showing up!”

·      Be clear about what you want but know it will most likely look different than what you thought.

·      This is an inside job! It is about YOU. The secret sauce is YOU.

·      You joy your way to joy! EnJOY it!

·      Ask questions and forget about the answers…trust that what you most need to know will show up and it will.

Step 2: Tear down the walls (this frees the magic to show up)

·      Download “We Are The Champions” and sing along shamelessly

·      Accept the chaos – let it pass through you – keep things moving

·      Get outside everyday. Pull the earth’s energy up through your feet and out the top of your head. Hug and talk to trees.

·      Awakening can be messy and uncomfortable. Be patient with yourself.

·      Remember the secret sauce is YOU. When the walls come down, you will find YOU!

Step 3: Open wide and let the magic in (this is what life is meant to be like)

·      Remember that it is only by receiving that we can truly give.

·      Stay out of your head and listen to your heart…you’ll be able to hear it now.

·      Trust whatever is showing up.

·      Seize the moment, revel in it, savor it…go slow.

·      YOU are the flower in your own garden. YOU are the magic.

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It’s All Good in the Hood

by Mimi on June 2, 2015

Mr Rogers All Good copy


Picking Wild Blueberries (Oregon Tales)

Chapter 2 – It’s All Good in the Hood


Hi everyone…

Mt Hood from Westside TrailYour modern day pioneer woman is at last here in Oregon just beginning to live her blueberry dreams! (please join me in my BIG grin) I’ve landed safe and sound in Hood River and can’t resist saying, “It’s all good in the hood!” (please forgive the pun) and everyday it seems to get “gooder”!

While I never thought I would be quoting Mr. Rogers (or knew he coined this phrase), it seems weirdly appropriate as his hallmarks of authenticity, sincerity and friendliness seem to be the way things roll around here. Perhaps it’s the small town vibe; perhaps it’s the ease and contentment that emanates from the land all around; perhaps this is just where I’m meant to be right now; I’m not sure…but I sure like it!!

Today, Friday, May 27th, marks my three-week anniversary here and I can hardly believe it especially as I spent April questioning whether it would ever happen. But when the train finally arrived in the station, without further ado (since everything was long ago prepped and ready), I left soon thereafter.

After some mother/daughter tears (good byes always get me!), my grin returned and I gaily pulled out of the driveway feeling very gypsy with my car filled to the max with dog, cat, plants, computer, last minute flotsam and jetsam and pillows in case I had to sleep on the floor when I got here. Fight Song by Rachel Platten happened to be cranking on the radio, the clock read 11:55 (#’s meaning: your thoughts and ideas are bringing about much needed changes in your life) and I immediately began to feel a distinct lightening of my own energy, let alone the energy around me.

FIVE AMERICAN WHITE PELICANSWhen five (number of change) white pelicans did a grand flyover a few miles later I was stoked. Even though I couldn’t remember their shamanic symbology in the moment, I have always loved their magic and knew their salute had some personal significance. But I soon forgot about them when I slammed into Noah’s epic rain event (the one which continues today) and it followed me (literally) all the way till the Oregon border, when the sun miraculously came out and lit the rest of the way to Hood River.

In short, until then, in spite of my happy heart, it was a grueling trip as I often drove blind trying to stay alive in the backwash of all the long haulers, not something I recommend or choose to repeat! Needless to say, I had lots of time to ponder if the Universe was trying to tell me something like, “Turn back you fool, why do you think you get to live your dreams?” but when the skies cleared as I entered eastern Oregon, I had no doubt I was being welcomed home. It was then that I received the pelicans’ message. Their gift was to stay buoyant through the deluge as it represented a final purge of all that could weigh me down in my new life. Deep sigh!

My NestSo I drove across Oregon feeling like one does after a cleanse, but since I had been in no mood to miss the train when it finally showed up, I had essentially rented my new home sight unseen (except for the fastest and choppiest FaceTime on record when my son buzzed through it for me and gave me a thumb’s up). As a result, I drove up to it with not a little anxiety about what I might have gotten myself into. But, since I am committed to living in trust and creating my new life accordingly, I was more than pleasantly surprised by the five (here’s that number again) stately pine trees (symbolism: birth, abundance, health, good fortune, fertility and love) that surround and guard it (it’s truly like living in a tree house) and the condo itself is “just right” as Goldilocks would say. Yup, I think the grin may be permanent!

The movers actually beat me here and anxious to get to their next destination started to unload within an hour of my own arrival so I fell into my own bed (with  those pillows) that first night a very happy and grateful camper. And it’s been kind of like that ever since…Synchronicities keep showing up when least expected and of course just when I need them and while I had a totally bizarre interlude as a total klutz (which I can only figure was some crazy unraveling of old stuck energy) while I was in the midst of unpacking and really getting grounded here, it has all been seamless.

The trails here run the gamut of experiences so I feel like I died and went to heaven everyday as I hop onto one to discover its treasures. You can go from wildflower meadow to mountain in a nano second, from creek to rapids before you know it, from heavy forest and single-track trails to the ridgeline with views of forever without too much panting. Today I saw Mt. Hood, Mt. Adams and Mt. Rainier all in the span of an hour. Coolio! To my delirious delight and surprise, Cottonwoods (associated with: spiritual growth, awakening, truth & blessings) grow here in Oregon as well, and as I have long held them as family, my bliss is truly complete.

Higher MeemaTalking about family, one of the biggest unexpected bonuses of my new place is that it’s all of three blocks from Emme, my heart of hearts grandbaby. I get to see her quite often and have loved being here for her first steps (just this week), teaching her to blow kisses, and mealtime which is more accurately described as a food bath! She’s a full speed ahead, exuberant, loaded and ready for life, girly girl who I am clearly besotted with…can you tell?

So while I miss all of you (and think about you often), the truth is I don’t miss being there as this truly feels like home. I know I have only just begun to sink my energy in but already there is a familiar resonance that tells me I’ve lived this land before and I’m looking forward to seeing where that leads.

Blessings and love to all…I hope all is good in your hood as well.

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Waiting At The Station

by Mimi on April 21, 2015


waiting at the station



Picking Wild Blueberries (Oregon Tales)

Chapter One – Waiting at the Station


blueberries5Once upon a time, when I was very young, I dreamt of Oregon. I can’t remember why exactly but when I try to dial back the cobwebby years, all my mind’s eye can see is the rugged Oregon coast, picking wild blueberries, sunlight filtering through feathered pines, and lush greenery embellished by stories of Lewis and Clark, Sacagawea and a compelling desire to live there amidst all that raw power and explorer energy.

As I grew up, that urge was seemingly pre-empted by my soul’s need for sunshine, Oregon’s reputation for excessive rain and not a little California dreamin’ which ultimately won out in my mid fifties.  But having finally traversed many mountains to sink my toes in the SoCal sand where my father grew up seemed to satisfy many indefinable hungers, so after a few years I happily returned to Colorado thinking I was done with my tidal urges. Not so much apparently!

Oddly enough though, when my son moved to Portland some years ago, I wasn’t even mildly interested in exploring his new home. I was (am) living in the ultimate sunshine state (from my perspective), away from humidity, mold, damp and gray skies, and the mountains had somehow convinced me that this was where I belonged. But a couple of years ago, they began to ease their spell and I began to realize I was complete here and change was coming.

Even though I’m pretty at ease with change, this revelation was a bit startling at first.  But, the more I allowed it to settle in, the more I became clearly aware that it was an inner call to a life that I had been preparing for while sequestered here in the Rockies, and it was time to live it. Of course I had no real idea what that life was or where it was to begin, so I decided to keep silent (lest the world confirm I was as cray-cray as I was feeling) and sat back, letting the Universe set the course.

Eventually the stars magically aligned making the way abundantly clear. By way of a small baby girl and a profound spiritual awakening in Hawaii, the compass needle pointed directly at the Columbia River Gorge in Oregon, a lush cradle of nature, rife with rivers, waterfalls, lakes and rain! Without skipping a beat, my heart shouted yes! And here I am six months later, bags packed, seasoned traveler of life’s many unexpected trails, standing on the station platform waiting for the train to take me to my new destination.

But where is it? It’s been three weeks since my original departure date and still no train (meaning I haven’t found a place to live yet and can’t leave until I do)! And, as you might well imagine it’s been quite the challenge to stay calm and trust this decision and myself. Further, not to look at my watch impatiently and wonder at the delay…or worse… question whether it’s coming at all has been torture!

watching-the-clockSo, being human, of course I caved and looked at my watch. And we all know what that means! I had opened the door wide for every possible insecurity and fear to drop in which they did…all at once! Talk about a buzz kill! NOT the sort of bon voyage I thought I wanted, but as it turns out, just what I needed.

All the times in my life when I’ve joked (Note to self: don’t just be careful about what you ask for, be careful what you joke about too) about being all dressed up with nowhere to go, missing the boat when it finally comes in or being stood up at the altar took turns in the spotlight of my very active imagination. But, while they scared me, I decided to look at them as positive messengers instead of oracles of doom and began to explore this very old and archetypal story line.

And what I found wasn’t what you might expect, nor was it something to hide from. Yes, there were the usual suspects:  old abandonment issues, fears of failure and of happiness, “dreams come true” are only for others and of course the blah, blah, blah’s (others’ negative chatter), which in the process of learning to love myself I’ve finally come to ignore.

But I didn’t ignore the forlorn, disenfranchised, underpowered, seemingly small parts of me that were clinging to an all too familiar ledge. Instead, I loved on them deeply, like never before, freeing myself from the last disabling vestiges of the past. And, as I did, I got an even bigger message, which is: “This precious time is for you to breathe your new life into being. You need to see yourself off on this burgeoning new life’s voyage, which you’ve forged out of the light you discovered in the darkness of the old.” Now they had my attention!!!

This isn’t just any old trip and this isn’t a round trip. This isn’t a vacation, a spa week, R&R, a meditation retreat or part of my bucket list. This is my decision to begin a whole new life (as averse to a new chapter) born out of the completion of my old life. This is my chance to live everything I’ve learned and everything I’ve dreamed. This is my chance to live from the inside out, to shine without shame. This is my biggest dream finally coming true because now I love myself enough to live it.  Colorado has been my womb and Oregon is my garden.

Up until now, many have believed in lives of quiet desperation and that it is only through death (predominantly the literal kind) that one can start anew with the possibility of doing it all differently. But, even though, this living death that I am experiencing is not for the faint of heart, it is available to all of us now. This kind of death is dying to your past, to quiet desperation and other limiting beliefs, to old programming, to all that is inauthentic to who you really are and to every illusion of separateness. In this death the victim we thought we were dies, and the creator we are is revealed.

happy-danceSo while standing here on the platform for three weeks has sometimes been uncomfortable, it’s also been perfect. It’s given me the time to really allow myself to be present for my death and my birth, to really feel and celebrate them instead of just going through the motions.  Until these three weeks I have been focused solely on the minutia of moving, not on the magic. I have been graced by the presence of so many who have lovingly come to see me off but I’ve been missing out, forgetting to live by intention rather than default. So instead of catapulting into my new life, distracted and exhausted, I realized it’s time to pause and do my happy dance and let that carry me.

I need to be and feel as happy for myself as everyone else is! I need to OWN my new life and my PLACE in it! I need to FEEL my creation without apology and allow myself to LIVE it! I need to let it breathe, to realize itself through ME!

I need to acknowledge my new life is me and I AM it. It is my heart’s song waiting to be sung. I need to see every unrealized hope, dream and desire as juicy fruits waiting for me to pick them off the LOW branches in my new life. I need to KNOW the train is coming because it’s my TRAIN and I created it.

Whatever the metaphor that resonates for you, I stand with many others fearful that we’ll be deserted at the altar, jilted before the prom, miss the ship when it comes in or that the train of “dreams come true” will never arrive. But that’s the old me, the inauthentic me, the victim me, the me who played small in order to survive and eventually forgot how big I really am.

Each one of us has played some version of this scenario out in our lives, but the good news is we are now remembering why. From this place of expanded understanding, we will pack our bags with the wisdom and learning gleaned, and consciously choose where and how we will go forward from here. When we do, we’ll know without a doubt that we don’t have to wait on the platform any longer, that the ticket has been in our pocket all along.

Passenger-train-on-railro-001See you on the train!! ALL ABOARD!



2014 into 2015 – Self-Love Dominoes

by Mimi on January 14, 2015




Some of you have probably noticed my weekly absence from MeLove Letters over the past year and wondered what was happening. Before I speak to that, I’d like to apologize for the silence. It wasn’t intended, but as I look back on it now, it was necessary. I missed you and my MeLOVE voice but had to surrender to all the change that was occurring in my life and trust where the river was taking me.

So what did that look like? I guess the short versions of the much longer stories are: I was overextended and overtired as I had taken a job working 20+ hours a week (in two days) in a holistic medical practice. Additionally, I was creating wellness programs and writing a weekly wellness newsletter on top of managing the office. And, just in case that wasn’t enough, I was in the deepest throws of learning to love myself at levels way beyond my expectations. So, something had to give (at least temporarily), and that was MeLove Letters and my own writing.

Now, as I look back on it through the lens of all I learned in 2014, and what’s in the queue as a result for 2015 (and beyond), it was a good decision. Initially, it was challenging as I felt guilty as well as confused as to why I had put myself in a position to “pause my passion” as it were. It didn’t feel right but it didn’t feel wrong either, so I endlessly practiced “don’t know mind” and the art of letting go. Bottom line, I sensed something bigger at hand, and knew I had to let it come in.

I have talked often about the journey to self-love. Once begun, there’s no turning back which is reassuring, but it is also important to understand that self-love is relentless in its pursuit of your SELF which is LOVE.

What this means is that true self-love is 100% not 97, 98 or 99%! It is your “realest of real” authentic self up-front, out loud and in person. It is the deepest awareness, acceptance and acknowledgment that you are as human as you are divine and that there is no part of you that doesn’t deserve to be loved, that there is no part of you which isn’t love! It is what we’ve all come here to remember.

But, just understanding this doesn’t count…living it does. In other words, self-love is a process of realization followed by actualization. 2014 was my year for addressing every cobweb (large and small) that was keeping me from actualizing. Working for someone else turned out to be the perfect foil to sharpen my senses about where I was still letting myself down and ignoring my own needs, in other words where I was short on self-love.

Initially I fell into that old pit of co-dependent pleasing patterns…you know, being there for everyone else instead of taking care of yourself.  But as I mentioned earlier, self-love is relentless and once ignited, you can’t really turn it off…nor do you want to. Why? Because it feels good! It brings you into alignment (aka harmony, balance, wholeness) at every level of your “being”, and when you’re out of alignment you quickly know it, and you want it back.

And align I did. 2014 wasn’t always easy but it was a watershed year for me, and I treasure every dark nook and cranny I explored and ultimately embraced. Over and over I was humbled by what I didn’t know as well as what I did, and I marveled at the prodigious opportunities available if we allow them. I was constantly in awe as I learned to dance with the joy of being “Me” and watched myself come alive in ways beyond my imagination.

This inevitable chain of change has been like a line of dominoes, and as I enter 2015 I have given notice at the job, am preparing to move to Oregon on April 1, am clearer than ever on my path and my purpose, am birthing my wholing practice (aka healing redefined – more to come), have started a free weekly inspiration called “Heartspeak” which launches today (hopefully it’s in your inbox – if not see sign up box to your right), am back to writing for MeLove Letters at least twice a month for now, and am happier and more at peace than I have ever been.

Do I have all the answers? No. Is there more for me to love of myself? Probably. Am I ready for whatever comes next? Absolutely. Am I in my power? Finally. Is self-love the answer? YES!

Happy Happy 2015. I’ve truly missed you all and I am blessed to be back!


Would love to hear about your 2014 and look forward to your own stories, and of course if you liked this post, please share the LOVE on Facebook and Twitter too. Thanks!

XXOO – Don’t forget to LOVE yourself today.



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